


Cicatrix

by viske



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Bisexual Male Character, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Coming Out, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, Life Partners, M/M, Minor Erwin Smith/Mike Zacharias, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets, Slow Burn, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-08-10 00:56:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20126710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viske/pseuds/viske
Summary: “Damnit-” Erwin mumbled under his breath as the tie on his thoroughly bandaged hand became loose, starchy cotton tendrils hanging down to his wrist. He held it up to his lips and pulled at the bandage with his teeth and his spare hand.Levi desperately didn’t want to help but he couldn’t just stand by while someone did something like this. He didn’t let Erwin live for him to be killed by an infected wound a month later, “You’re disgusting.”He pulled the wrapped hand away from Erwin’s surprised face, resulting in his teeth clicking together on contact. Pulling the bandage tight again, he re-tied the gauze with quick precision of nimble fingers and then wiped his hands dramatically on his trousers, “That’s going to scar.”“Thanks”, Erwin mouthed after inspecting the knot and Levi merely shrugged, both of them seemingly forgetting that Levi was the cause of the offending bandage in the first place.A semi-canon retelling and fix it of Levi Ackerman's and Erwin Smith's relationship.(tags will be added as they apply)





	1. Born at the End of the World

**Author's Note:**

> "I do not have a type" I whisper to myself as I write a fic for a pairing of a built blonde military man, a smaller dark-haired raccoon man who only have 3 arms between them.

There was no room in Levi’s body for pain. The pain that rattled through his body, the broken rib that stabbed into his side with an ache that was far from dull, the burn with each intake of breath and the swirling agony in his head. There was no room for the shame that rose within him as the dank underground water dripped from his hair into his eyes when it stung as he peered up to the two blonde giants stood before him, especially when the smaller of the two kneeled down. The only thing Levi could fathom entertaining the possibility of was anger. A seething rage that burned like acid through his tiny broken body as he stared at the square-jawed man in front of him. The man in a crisp Survey Corps uniform because he got his dog to do his dirty work, his blue eyes weighing up Levi, just a small criminal in front of him. He couldn't help but entertain creating room for vindication within this man in the future. He looked forward to feeling that, as his blade dripped with the blood of the man before him.

* * *

Levi pushed through the training course, right foot and left pushing off the trees and buildings. He spun like a top released through the air, slashing the padded target with relative ease. He paused for a moment and watched his comrades complete the course. Isabel fairing better than Furlan, she’d always been able to cut deeper and fight stronger than him.

The light filtered through the canopy of trees and Levi looked down at the array of heads below him. A particularly blonde head of hair caught his eye and wondered if he could fall directly onto Erwin’s neck and blame it on faulty equipment.

“Next target!” Erwin barked and a new 6-meter class target was pulled into the training area. Erwin looked up at Levi and he knew there was something smug about that slightly peach blur with two dark blobs. Levi groaned and pushed off of the trunk, still staring Erwin’s smear of features.

Despite having more practical experience than most of the interior garrisons, Levi found the new 3D Maneuvering equipment slightly tricky at first. There were no kinks to be worked out and accounted for. The gas canisters didn’t cough when they started, there was full support around his waist and the mechanism didn’t catch when he turned right. So when he became distracted, plotting his freak of nature accident against the young squad leader, Levi totally forgot about the gas problem, or lack thereof. So, in Levi’s overcompensation of expected problems, he’d squeezed too hard on the gas release sending him flying far too quickly towards the target. He hurtled into the sandbag nape of it and splattered like a fly against a window and tumbled to the ground.

As he peeled his eyes open he was met with a flurry of yellow light. Erwin was standing over him, with Furlan by his side.

“Levi, are you hurt?” Erwin’s voice was low and considerate, “You need to make a direction and decision when you’re up there and stick to it, don’t hesitate and don’t regret it.”

Levi shook his head and pretended that was smugness in his voice and not something resembling concern. Erwin extended his hand for Levi to ignore it and get up on his own. That was a pro of being someone of his stature, there wasn’t much weight to cause problems when he went hurtling to the ground. He dusted off his clothes with a grimace, pulled the canisters from his person and perched on a tree stump away from the group and began to prod and peel at the mechanism that he knew worked perfectly fine. Erwin watched him leave with little interest before turning back to the new recruits.

“They’re going to think you’re sulking” Isabel chimed as she landed beside him.

Levi sneered and inspected the canister with a keen eye, “I am not fucking sulking.”

“What are you doing then?”

“None of your business.”

“You’re a real asshole when you’re trying to prove yourself, what is it with men and trying to prove something?” she asked to Furlan, who’d recently added himself to the stump of delinquents. He responded with a shrug, probably concerned about setting Levi off on a tirade.

“This piece of shit!” Levi exclaimed as he threw the entirely pristine release mechanism onto the chipped wood floor.

“Not sulking?” Isabel whispered to Furlan with an all-knowing chuckle.

As the mechanism skittered to a stop, a deep laugh could be heard from the circle new recruits. The laugh belonged to Mike, who’d swung an arm around Erwin in clear congratulations of his hilarity. Erwin smiled something small, and what looked to be bashful.

The circle of giggles calmed and Erwin continued to lead the group, everyone, including Mike and Hange hanging on his every word.

“I can’t even look at him,” Levi growled and pinched his fingers together, “I can’t bear to look at him breathing.”

Furlan made a slight noise behind Levi’s head, “He’s a good leader,” Levi spun around with intent, his raven bangs whipping around dramatically. “If you’re into that sort of thing,” he corrected.

“I’ve heard rumours that he’s next in line to become commander,” Isabel chimed between sips of water, “He’s only 24.”

Levi scoffed like an achievement in the military was supposed to mean anything at all, all they did was send good men to their death or sit around drinking themselves to death. “I’m only 22 and I’ve not sent hundreds of men to their death!” He raised two thin eyebrows, “You’ve heard those rumours right? He just sends out good soldiers to be Titan fodder?” He turned to face the blonde over his shoulder, he could feel something hot and passionate burn in the pit of his stomach, “He’s calm all the time because there’s nothing under there!” The burning tar of sheer malice burned up into his throat resulting in, “That man doesn’t have a soul.”

That final sentiment was met with apprehension from his two friends like Levi had crossed some metaphorical line they’d forgotten they’d set.

Furlan looked over at Erwin who was now helping a young recruit with tight black curls configure the weighting in her belt. “Other people seem to like him-”

Levi waves a hand in interruption, “He knows how to turn on the charm, I’ll give him that, a huge kiss ass. I bet he’s sucked a few dicks in his time to get where he is.”

Isobel followed Furlan’s eye line, to the blonde’s statuesque presence on the forest floor, “I mean, I’d fall for those charms any day.”

Levi’s eyes followed suit before snapping with heavy indignation, “Whose side are you on?”

Furlan stood from the giant stump and brushed away any dust from his white trousers, “Or maybe he’s just good at his job, I heard the long-distance scouting technique is going to revolutionise the Survey Corps, I heard they’re going to test it on next week’s recon mission.”

He walked up and grabbed Levi’s gas canister mechanism and handed it back to him with a tight smile and narrowed eyes.

Levi snapped it up from his hand. “Shut the fuck up Furlan, stop trying to humanize the enemy, he’ll feed you to the titans if it meant not messing up his hair or getting funding for a new bolo tie.”

“Just, Levi -” he sighed and his expression grew from agitated to neutral, “I think you’re taking it to far, we’ve been given a second chance, how many chances can we get?”

And if he hadn’t heard a word Furlan said, he responded with, “He’s as worthless behind the eyes as those titans.”

* * *

The heady smell of iron filled Levi’s throat and the rain lashed down around them, it was choking and he felt like he was drowning in mid-air. Drowning in their blood, Isabel and Furlan’s blood “If I hadn’t left them back there -” he choked out.

He tried to avoid looking at Erwin, who knelt before him, his hand clasped around Levi’s sword dripping with his own blood and soaked through to the bone.

“You’re right, my own arrogance, my own shitty pride-”

Erwin lurched forward, pulling the sword that was intended to kill him down and his teeth were bared and frenzied, “You’re wrong! It was the Titans!”

Levi leaned backward on instinct almost losing the grip on the handle. The bloodied giant stared up at him completely unwavering. Those blue eyes intense and focused on Levi.

“Make your choice Levi, fight for humanity with me.”

Levi withdrew is sword and the only sound between them was the hammering of rain against the waterlogged ground.

“Okay,” he promised with nothing more than a whisper.

* * *

The walls of the mess hall sprawled dizzily above him, the basic brickwork contorting into insidious shapes. The bricks moved into rows of brown teeth, barring down at the small man whilst the flickering torches turned into lifeless eyes. The noise of scraping plates turned into that of wretched screams of Isabel and Furlan, high pitched and agonizing. He held his breath as the columns grew taller, for a moment, he swore he could feel one of the wooden rafters scoop down and wrap itself around him and pull him towards the cracked brown teeth.

“Levi.”

A large bandaged hand bore down carefully onto his shoulder and he flicked his eyes to its owner. Erwin stood above him, blonde hair stark against the darkness of the bricks. He shrugged off the hand and tried to steady his stacata breathing so Erwin wouldn’t notice.

But he noticed, it was his job to notice things.

He made no effort to replace his hand, instead he looked off towards the other soldiers and pitched his voice low and careful, “It’s loud in here, come eat in my quarters. We don’t have to talk, but it’s quiet and the light doesn’t play as many tricks.”

Levi wanted to know what he meant by that last part without giving himself away. Surely Erwin had seen enough real life nightmares not to see them in the stones, or perhaps the only way he’d found to stop them was to turn to stone himself.

He picked up the plate of potatoes, vegetables and meat and walked after the Captain, who began walking out of the hall without a second insistence to Levi. There was a rush of light as they exited into the hallway and the molasses on Levi’s lungs lessened somewhat. He paced after Erwin, his long strides keeping him slightly in front of himself.

The Captain cleared his throat lightly, “They always serve meat after the recon missions get back, it’s kind of ironic don’t you think? Reminding us that we’re not the only prey-”

“I thought you said we wouldn’t have to talk,” Levi snarled and poked one of his potatoes with a shaky fork as his appetite was beginning to make a miraculous return.

Erwin turned his head slightly, his cold blue eyes catching the orange light that filtered in from the remains of the day, “We don’t.”

He hurried down a flight of stairs and his kempt hair bounced with the movement. Levi noticed the muscled neck before him but the urge to slice into it, even from this vantage point had lessened, he was more concerned with making sure the potatoes didn’t roll off his plate and bounce down the stairs. Then, taking a sharp left turn the blonde began to walk down a narrow corridor, with short wooden doors, adorning either side, upon arriving to the correct one, he fished a brass key from his pocket and jiggled the lock and ducked into the doorway, his broad shoulders filling the narrow space.

The room was small, smaller than whatever Levi had come to expect to be fitting of a man of Erwin’s presence. In the corner stood a bed, with taupe coloured sheets screwed at the base. There was a wardrobe, door slightly ajar and filled with uniform and civilian clothes and the mystery of what Erwin Smith wore on his off days piqued Levi’s interest more than he’d care to admit.

Erwin moved into the room and stopped in front of a basic desk, with piles of paper pushed towards the back on one side and a comb and a mirror on the other. Thick speckles of dust hung in the unkempt room and caught the afternoon light in a flurry. It’d become clear by the musty smell in the room that this room hadn’t been used in a while. Levi wanted to say something about the scouting mission not lasting long enough to excuse this, but he held his tongue.

Erwin shucked his jacket and placed it on the back of his desk chair and rolled his sleeves to his elbows. Despite Levi’s unnerving presence it was clear that this was very much home for the young squad leader.

“Damnit-” Erwin mumbled under his breath as the tie on his thoroughly bandaged hand became loose, starchy cotton tendrils hanging down to his wrist. He held it up to his lips and pulled at the bandage with his teeth and his spare hand.  


Levi desperately didn’t want to help but he couldn’t just stand by while someone did something like this. He didn’t let Erwin live for him to be killed by an infected wound a month later, “You’re disgusting.”

He pulled the wrapped hand away from Erwin’s surprised face, resulting in his teeth clicking together on contact. Pulling the bandage tight again, he re-tied the gauze with quick precision with nimble fingers and then wiped his hands dramatically on his trousers, “That’s going to scar.”

“Thanks”, Erwin mouthed after inspecting the knot and Levi merely shrugged, both of them seemingly forgetting hat Levi was the cause of the offending bandage in the first place.

“You can eat at the desk,” he stated before pushing the pile of papers onto the floor. Levi gave a pedantic choke as a cloud of dust rose like steam.

“I’m glad you specified that because I was about to get in your bed and eat in there.”

Erwin looked a part of the way to amused for a moment, light creases forming around those ponds of ice.

Levi looked around, his lips dipping into a sneer as he did so, “Are you not going to apologize for the mess?”

Erwin shrugged. The room wasn’t disgusting but it was certainly unexpected especially as it belonged to a man who most of the time presented himself like a clean marble statue.

“Here’s the key, lock up and bring it to the Captain’s meeting in an hour,” Erwin threw the key onto the desk narrowly missing the plate of hard earned food.

“Are you not going to stay?”

Levi thought about sitting down, but thought better of giving up his standing advantage until Erwin had left the room.

“Usually I would, but I feel like you’d appreciate the time to yourself,” Erwin’s words were carefully unloaded and soft, but most of all they were correct.

Levi scoffed in the face of exposure, “Usually? So you bring many of your soldiers back here _ Squad Leader _?”

“No,” the first word was sharp and purposeful, but the rest were preceded by a somewhat hesitant hum, “But I could see you needed it.” He placed large hands on narrow hips, “Contrary to what you may have been told, I do care about the welfare of my soldiers, especially soldiers like you.”

“Soldiers that were plotting to kill you?” Levi mirrored his stance but stopped as it seemed to only reinforce just how much of a size difference there was between them.

Erwin’s eyebrows rose, his mouth opened but closed again. Then, his eyes grew exhausted and knowing, and told Levi that he’d seen the same shadows on the walls and had a great deal more experience in losing them than Levi did.

Erwin pulled his lips into a tight smile and averted his eyes, “Mike sleeps after eating don’t do anything to wake him up, or you’ll have hell to pay."

Levi tutted and looked towards the tiny wooden door, “I’m doubtful that weird bloodhound would even fit through the door.”

Erwin pushed his right sleeve further into the crook of his elbow, “Seems these quarters would be better suited to someone like you.”

Levi's thin lips pressed into a hard line and focused his stare into the back of Levi's golden nape, “I haven’t forgotten why I wanted to kill you.”

“Goodbye Levi,” Erwin opened the door began to duck his head under the frame.

“Erwin?” the word left Levi's lips before he could fully form it, “Is this life just watching everyone around you die until it’s their turn to watch you?”

Ewrin sighed and his shoulders sunk for a moment, “Isn’t that just life in general?”

"Not for me" Levi growled with conviction.

"Good," he returned. Despite Erwin being faced away from him Levi could tell there was something resembling pride on that blonde asshole’s handsome face and for a second he was glad it was him that put it there.

And then the door closed with a click.

Levi finished his food, the portion barely cutting it. He wondered how Erwin and Mike stayed at their dizzying size on the measly rations they give out. He pushed the empty plate the back of Erwin’s desk and leaned back into the wooden chair. Despite the complete absence of anything to make it so, the chair was the most comfortable thing in the world. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply in relief. The smell of grass and a spicy musk that he couldn’t place filled his lungs, he opened one eye and sniffed again and wondered why this dank room smelled so wonderfully inviting. Perhaps it was the feeling of brief relaxation synthesizing into his nose, perhaps it was an open window in the hallway but it was most likely Erwin’s jacket on the back of his chair.

He stood up with a start, his legs moving faster than his brain could catch up and began to tidy around the room. He wasn’t sure why he did it. He told himself that he mess was ruining his remaining 47 minutes of being alone. He closed the door of the wardrobe, quickly dusted down the mirror and the desk with a shirt that Erwin had left piled by the door then he moved over to the pile of sheets by the end of the bed and stared at it for a moment as the familiar smell from the jacket gently rose. He thought better of it and moved back over to the desk.

He picked up the piles of papers on the floor that he could be sure were important to somebody and arranged them into descending size order. He began to peak at their contents, sketches of scouting formations, letters of intent for funding and wordy paragraphs in Erwin’s chicken scratch handwriting, entitled to ‘_ Marie _’. He began to smooth out the particularly crumpled piece, the ink had even began to leech into the paper. He held it up to the dying light to try and read it better. His eyes scanned over the first words.

“_ My dearest Marie, _

_ When I look upon you, freckles like stars in nebulous sky, I wonder if the universe was created simply so you could exist with in it- _”

He stopped reading before he could finish the second line and stuffed the parchment to the bottom of the pile, something close to guilt twisting in his stomach. There was a reason this letter was never sent and left in a pile of poor handwriting and creases on the back of the man’s desk.

“Good job you didn’t send that blondie, she’d have taken one look at that chicken scratch and told you to fuck off” he mumbled to himself whilst placing the smallest pieces on the top of the pile.

These pieces were sunbleached and covered with holes where they had one been hung to the walls around the room. These pages were adorned with sketches and elaborate question marks. Drawings of the walls, sprawling trees and a land beyond the walls where white ground met a body of water so big it spanned the horizon. And there were those of the titans, detailed and beautifully terrifying, each barely human face for some reason reminded him of his own or Mike’s or Hange’s. He placed those face down on the pile. For all of Erwin’s bad points, terrible points, he could have made a wonderful artist, he thought as he began to doze against the chair swathed in Erwin’s jacket.

He woke up to the sound of a loud fist against the door.

“Admiral Eyebrows, are you sleeping in there?”

“No”, Levi barked, sleep addled and confused.

“Levi?” Mike swung open the door and dipped his shaggy head inside.

“No it’s Erwin” Levi sneered as he jumped up from the chair.

Mike yawned and looked around the room as if to find Erwin crouching in the corner like an owl, “Where is he? We have a meeting to go to.”

“Is he okay with you just barging in here? Privacy is -” Levi barked as if he had some invested stake in the blonde squad leaders privacy.

“Is he okay with you being here?” Mike retorted in a mockery of Levi’s accusatory tone but still sleep-addled, as if he hadn’t spent almost every day with Erwin since basic training. “Have you been routing around, I can smell it, the room’s been disturbed.”

“God, you’re so fucking weird.” Levi snarled, adjusting his cravat, “Not routing, cleaning.”

Mike raised an eyebrow as Levi moved over to the doorway with a clear intent to leave.

“Yes he let me in, for an hour, I’m going now.” He thrust the key into Mike’s gigantic_ paw _“Give him the key, I don’t really want to see him again, my quota for giant blonde assholes is full for the day.” He stared up at Mike, a sardonic grin on his sharp features, “So if you’d let me just get past, that’d be fantastic.”

Mike lifted his arm to create space for Levi to walk under. He wanted to stab him in the armpit with Erwin’s letter opener but thought better of it as he finally exited the room.

“I’ll tell him you said thanks.”

Levi responded with the middle finger in the hopes that he could smell it in the now darkened hallway.


	2. Is It Too Late For Beginnings?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi becomes accustomed to life on the surface

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically Someone Great by LCD Soundsystem reminds me massively of Eruri's canon story so this fic is partially inspired by it. If you don't know the lyrics I highly recommend you check them out!

* * *

There were three things that Levi found undeniably and inscrutably strange about his new life on the surface.

The first was the ever looming sunlight. The sun was threat number one and a hilariously specific problem he didn’t dare tell anyone else about. The sun, the ever present enemy to Levi because it infiltrated every part of his life. It soaked in through thin curtains in the morning, laying down atop his face until he couldn’t keep his eyes closed any longer. He’d wake up groggy and sleep deprived in a way that none of his comrades did. He’d watch around the barracks at the stacked beds of resting bodies, so undisturbed by the sun it made him feel like an entirely different species until the bell rang for morning mass. The sun at any other part of the day wasn’t much better, it stung at his pale skin as if it knew specifically that he and it hadn’t really been previously acquainted. It assaulted his eyes on recon missions and coloured the tip of his nose pink.

Hange had noticed the last part and had discreetly given him a lotion made mostly of honey and yoghurt. She’d also explained why he was so susceptible to sunburn. She’d laughed and called his skin ‘_ virgin _’, which made him uncomfortable for a moment, but not as uncomfortable as when he’d used the lotion and it made Mike hang around him a little too often for his liking.

The only part about sun that he didn’t mind was sunset, with it’s long familiar shadows and warm hues that made the city feel like it was burning before his very eyes. He’d often go for walks alone then as the rest of the troops were settling down. He liked the low light and the strange feeling of home it gave him.

“You’re a night owl too?” Erwin Smith had said to him one night as he’d passed by his open office. He had been writing steadily with a clean bandage around his hand as the last figments of the light began to fade.

Even though he felt better at the expanse of sunset, nothing ever seemed to help shake the feeling that he was utterly alone in the new world. He tried not to think of Isabel and Furlan, it made his bones weak with guilt and his heart shiver as a prickled pink frost ran across his chest.

* * *

The second thing was that after the first month had passed, he didn’t entirely hate being in the military. There were two real rules: fight the titans and don’t get eaten, both of which he excelled at. Most of the other rules, Levi didn’t care for and he’d decided that they didn’t really apply to him and there wasn’t a soldier brave enough to tell him otherwise. Erwin had tried and failed to half heartedly enforce the corp rules onto Levi, but something told Levi that Erwin wasn’t a strict follower of rules and tradition in the first place.

There was also an unspoken rule, _ a suggestion _, about not letting Hange corner you at the dinner table alone, which Levi did try and abide by, until-

“Levi,'' Hange cooed, her arm outstretched and her ring clicking on the wooden table. He pushed back his chair, empty plate in his hand and boot heels resting on the floor. She knocked her ring against the wood again before sitting up, “I need to speak with you.”

Levi stood up and rested his free hand on the back of the chair, “Do you now?” He tapped his fingers impatiently on the chair as if he’d had somewhere else to be, “Can’t you speak with one of the blondes? I’m sure they’ll tell you exactly what you want to hear.”

She closed her eyes before shaking her head, glasses bouncing from side to side in a way that made Levi wonder how she hadn’t lost them yet. “That's the thing Levi!“ She jumped up from her chair with a speed that took him off guard, “I don’t want to be told what I want to hear! I want to see your opinion on my theory, you have nothing to lose or gain by telling me the truth!” Levi looked at the hands waving from side to side by her head, completely overcome with excitement and her voice squeaking in the process, “That’s the whole point of science, to get to the truth no matter what the cost!”

It looked like the cost of science today was Levi’s plans for the evening, “Okay, what’s science’s biggest mystery today then?”

She nodded and sat down again and placed arms out in front of her on the table, ”So.”

Levi felt strange about looking down at her for a moment and sat down again too.

She cleared her throat and began, “We know that titans emit steam to heal themselves and we know that heat rises,'' she illustrated the steam with twinkling fingers, “and my theory is that when a titan receives a blow to a certain body part, that part will heal at different pace to another area, for example more steam will rise to the top of titan to heal a head wound faster than a blow to the back of the legs.”

Levi nodded as he followed and a buzz of anticipation formed in his gut, “So you want me to slice up different titan body parts whilst you time how long it takes them to try and eat me again?”

“Exactly,” she grabbed his hand between her own and squeezed like a child squeezing the life out of a toy in sheer giddy excitement, “but only if you think it’s a worthy theory.”

Levi’s eyebrows shot up in surprise by the contact of the hands that dwarfed his own. After snatching his hand away he snipped, “It could have it’s merits.”

Hange squeaked and pulled Levi into a completely one sided hug. He was worried for a second what she’d do if they proved her theory right. He wasn’t ready for her to try to pick him up and kiss him square on the lips, try being the operative word, she’d lose her lips before they touched him.

“Hange, a word?” a low rumble of a voice came from behind Levi’s head and Hange released her embrace, finally freeing Levi’s arms. She quickly saluted, almost punching Levi in the gut in the process. Levi turned around to see Erwin, a stack of papers in the crook of his arm, a plate in one hand, a mug in the other and a pencil neatly nestled behind his ear and Mike towering beside him.

Hange released the salute and smiled loosely at the blonde who reciprocated the comfortable gesture. Erwin began to speak again, his voice gravelly and exhausted from the day. “What’s the status on the refractory theory? Has Levi agreed to help?” he quickly threw a glance at Levi before looking back at Hange.

Hange nodded and clasped a hand onto Levi’s shoulder. A hand that Levi was moments away from cutting off.

Erwin hummed in aparant satisfaction and looked back at Levi, “Good, I’ll make sure his schedule is free for the day, you will have nobody bothering you.”

Turning to his dusky blonde comrade he added, “Mike, I need you to take Levi’s training duties tomorrow.” Which was met with a face that looked like Mike was smelling the metaphorical shit on the bottom of Levi’s shoe.

“Don’t make that face” Erwin told him, his tone firm but the smile playing around his eyes only served to remind Levi that Mike and Erwin were still friends and not just superior and subordinate.

Mike’s face morphed into a wry smile and playfully poked at the brunette by Levi’s side. “Hey Hange, I can help you too. I still have the highest titan kill count in the corps!”

“Exactly! I don’t want these titans dead and Levi is far more nimble and precise!” She pushed Mike’s hand away with a laugh and he gave up immediately, huge hands held up in a defeat.

They were all friends. A friend is something that Levi didn’t even have an imitation of in the survey corps. He could feel nothing but lingering resentment twist in his gut as the only friends he ever had had been eaten by one of Hange’s prospective playthings. But as the resentment twisted he could feel it fade as Erwin went to place a consolatory hand on Mike’s shoulder, only to rest his cup of tea onto it in a feeble gesture, all with a smile pulling at his full lips. “She’s right Mike, that’s why I suggested Levi for the job and not you.” His timbre wobbled with a semblance of a laugh, “I’m not going to sugar coat it, you’re all brute force and no technique.”

“Oh come on!” Mike groaned with chagrin, shrugging Erwin’s hand from his person. “Maybe we could both do it, we could have a competition. Beauty vs. the beast!” Levi could see the metaphorical straws that Mike was grasping at fly all over the floor.

Levi’s voice cracked as he spoke, realising that he’d only been a spectator in this back and forth between the group, “I hope I’m the beauty in this scenario.”

Hange stamped her foot on the ground hard enough to be heard over the bickering, “Mike, I only _ need _ Levi.”

Levi pulls his sharp face into a sarcastic smile, eyes narrowed, “And I’m pretty sure I’d mistake you for a titan anyway, you’re sure big and ugly enough.”

There’s a moment as Erwin stared over Levi as the insult dug into Mike like a tiny little dagger. And for a moment of a moment, Levi wondered if Mike was going to try and strangle him or Erwin was going to have him on training duties for the rest of his life or even worse, they’d leave him alone forever in this new world but by the time Erwin cracked up into a deep satisfying laugh, the moment of a moment was gone.

As Hange and Mike joined in, the rest of the dinner stragglers looked on clearly confused about what could be so funny to make all three of the senior staff laugh like that. Levi laughed too just to put to rest any lingering suspicions that the laughing might be at his expense.

* * *

The third and most undeniably bonkers thing that Levi couldn’t understand was the ever encroaching notion that he didn’t entirely hate his superiors.

Hange was the easiest to explain. Ever since he’d helped her with her research the two had become almost inseparable whenever there was a new ‘_ Dahmer _ ’ or ‘ _ Dumaru _ ’ chained up in the lab. She was strange and a chaotic genius. Her chestnut hair more frequently sticking up with sweat, blood or dirt than any other person he’d met on the surface. There was something so frantic and dedicated about her that he couldn’t help but admire her. There were never any dull moments whenever she was around. However the thing he found totally enriching was her willingness, no eagerness to stick it up to Erwin. Levi could bathe in the pools of Erwin’s eyes when she told him no. Such as that one time she went: _ “No, the new quick releases for the blades weren’t ready yet and she didn’t care if it meant disappointing the higher ups! _” Those moments were equivalent of a freshly cleaned room or a rare tea to Levi.

Mike was where things started to become a little harder to explain. Mike was the oldest of the four of them and Levi liked to think that he was undoubtably the most stupid. He also fought with Levi a lot. He picked and prodded at Levi like he was the most difficult man in the world, quipping at Levi for everything. He also liked to take a long sniff of everyone new and Levi wondered if he really could smell something about them or if Mike wanted to set the precedence for being so weird so nothing could possibly go down hill from there.

The thing was, Mike wasn’t stupid, infact he’s probably smarter than Levi himself, even though he could never admit that to the blonde oaf. Mike could more than hold his own with Hange and was Erwin’s go to man when it came to anything strategic. The second point in Levi’s '_Mike hatred arsenal_' was constantly shot down by Mike bringing down leftovers from the mess hall or helping Levi clean in tall places without a sour word about his height. He was even kind when he thought the other two weren’t around. He was even kind to the recruits, which nobody ever was. The fact that he was so consistently wrong about Mike irritated him even more. All the little annoyances made him even forget that Mike waterboarded him in that puddle all those months ago.

Unlike Mike, who Levi seemed to find every irksome pointless reason to dislike, Erwin made every well formed intention of hatred fall utterly futile. Erwin was still the man that brought him here, still the man that lead his friends to their doom, still the man who lead many to their doom and yet, there was something that Levi saw in him, something he trusted in him. Levi had found himself observing him over months, catching glimpses of the other man and trying to compile evidence on where his growing change of heart came from.

The very first thing Levi began to notice, after his seething hatred was replaced with a somewhat morbid obsession with the stoic blonde, was everyone’s reaction to Erwin’s physical appearance. The reaction wasn’t dissonant to what he’d have expected. Levi had eyes, they worked, and he knew that people who look like Erwin get stared at by people who don’t look like him (and even by those who looked liked him but had been left out in the woods for a month - Mike). But Erwin didn’t _quite_ look like anyone he’d seen before. Blonde hair that glowed like sunlight on gold, blue eyes that seemed to perfectly capture when the lake reaches the horizon in paintings that hung in great halls, square jawed, strong nosed and thick bodied like a marble warrior. Erwin Smith for all intents and purposes was a beautiful man who was looked at as much as he was listened to and yet he still found a clench in his stomach every time a female colleague twirled her finger around her hair in the presence of the squad leader. Perhaps Levi wasn’t quite ready for the sheer onslaught of attention that followed the blonde and what irritated him the most was that Erwin didn’t seem to be bothered by or even notice any of it and all of it was very distracting to Levi’s observations.

The first actually surprising thing was that Erwin Smith, despite every outward appearance and every plethora of evidence telling the world otherwise, wasn’t necessarily a funny man but a man that thoroughly enjoyed laughter. He didn’t show the troops this side of himself. His dry wit and surrealist jokes that only he laughed at when Hange and Mike screwed up their faces or scoff in distaste. After a while, when Levi somehow managed to hang around Hange long enough to be invited to sit with them at the officers table was where Erwin would pull out his routine like he’d spent his entire day saving up every ounce of happiness. He’d poke at Mike’s side as his eyes positively shone with giddy exuberance. Nobody other than Erwin laughed at the jokes, but Erwin’s smile shone like the north star on a clear night and that was somehow impossible to ignore.

After he noticed the secret jokes, he noticed the other things he’d never thought to associate with the squad leader. The kindness was the first, the willingness to help anyone who needed it, even when it inconvenienced him. But, like the humour he only did it in secret, one on one with the person who needed him to help fix their 3DM gear or the person who just needed someone to talk to after the mission ended, a broad shoulder to cry on. Levi felt like an intruder on this man’s private life, these little parts of himself that he was only willing to show to those who needed it. The cold and calculating Erwin was still there on the battlefield for humanity but as Levi found out with every observation there was something more, something that made him want to follow this man into the very real jaws of death.

The last straw wasn’t the most shocking one, Levi always knew Erwin was smart, nothing less would have gotten him to be where he is now, but it wasn’t just that. Hange was a genius but Levi wasn’t drawn to her like he was Erwin, perhaps it was the way he could make the hardest decisions seem effortless when everyone knew they were not or perhaps the way he’d dedicated himself to the scouts. He’d invested himself, without any hesitation in what the scouts could do for humanity and he wanted to be the man to help them realise their full potential. His dedication knew no bounds, he was the first to show up in the morning and the last to leave at night. There were times when Levi would walk into the young blonde’s office only to find him dozing over scattered pages of new scouting formations, funding paperwork or his latest idea about the history of humanity that didn’t seem so crazy after a while. Before long, Levi had begun checking on him every night on his insomnia fuelled treks and made sure Erwin had left his office or more often than not, closed the door so he could get some undisturbed sleep.

One night on his rounds, Levi found the window to be open and the breeze licked at the papers around Erwin’s hands. He strode into the room and closed the window as gently as he could. After the wind had settled the room was still exceptionally cold and in one swift moment of not really thinking at all Levi shucked his jacket and placed it over the sleeping Erwin’s shoulders. He stopped for a second to hear the slight snuffle of appreciation that made the coldest part of him warm again.

“Levi, you didn’t have to. But I appreciate it,” Erwin approached him the next morning and handed him back his jacket in a neatly folded square. He wondered where Erwin had learned to do that as he didn’t seem to treat his own clothes with the same respect, he’d more often than not found his discarded jacket treated in the same way he treated old papers, in a ball in the general vicinity of the garbage can.

As Levi took the jacket he could feel the warm tips of Erwin’s fingers.

Levi smiled wryly and placed a hand on the top of the neat pile, “How’d you know it was mine?” He always loved throwing out the bait for a joke about his height wondering if anyone was brave or stupid enough to take it.

Erwin looked over Levi as the words fell from his lips, in that ever enigmatic timbre, “It was exceptionally clean.”

Levi felt his lips part in confusion and ever so slight disappointment, before Erwin’s thick brows crooked with mischievous intent, “Or the scouts have started employing children,” he leaned forward slightly just enough so Levi could see the muscles around Erwin’s mouth threatened to reveal a smirk, “Either way, I think you were my only option.”

Erwin fell for the bait hook line and sinker, “I’m going to count this obvious lack of judgement and regard for your own life as a minor lapse in character due to lack of sleep.”

Erwin’s eyes flickered down over the shorter man, eyelashes casting long shadows on an angular face. ‘_ His nose is crooked _’, Levi thought absent mindedly as he shifted in his boots under the scrutiny.

His gaze met Levi’s again now, the smirk that was forming earlier fully on display. “What a merciful man you are Levi.” The content hum in his voice offered confirmation of the theory that Smith only took the bait because he knew Levi wanted something to catch.

Levi rolled his tongue over his lips in an effort not to return that infectious smile and tucked the jacket under his arm and folded them, “I do think you should be sleeping more, I don’t want to die because you’re a little sleepy.”

Erwin exhaled and conceded, “You’re not wrong”

Levi looked around the hallway they stood in carefully checking for nosy bystanders before offering, “I could help you... with any paper work? So you can get out in time before any new stuff is put on your desk. Like I said, I don’t want to die because you were too busy filling out form 453B.” The initial offer was met with two thick eyebrows rocketing up Erwin’s face like they had a life of their own. Levi folded his arms tighter and checked that nobody heard his proposition of service, “I was going to say you should have asked Mike for help years ago but I’m still not convinced he can read.”

“Thank you for your offer, Lev-”

Levi shook his head as the dark circles under Erwin’s eyes came into full sleep deprived glory when Erwin shifted and his face caught the light in a different way, “It’s not an offer, it’s a plan.”

“Are you not going to take no for an answer?”

Levi’s already sharp face pulled into disapproving parallel horizontal lines.

“Okay, thank you,” Erwin breathed, clearly somewhat relieved, “Meet me at my office at 8pm.”

So by 8:12pm Levi was working silently beside the squad leader, the only sounds between them were scratching of pen on paper and silent mumbled curses that fell from Levi’s lips when he discovered yet another question he’d missed the first time around filling in the form. Their operation was simple, Levi started and filled in what he could before placing it on the stack of papers next to Erwin for him to finish and sign. The system was smooth, efficient and wordless.

By 9:12pm, Erwin had lost his jacket and the first 3 buttons on his shirt and by 10:12pm so had Levi.

They both bathed in their effortless silence, a yawn coming from Levi ever so often and a sneeze from Erwin. He mumbled something along the lines of ‘_ Sorry, allergies _’ and Levi completely forgot to say something scathing in response as he’d finally noticed the full power of the other man on full display with the flexed movement of the sneeze. There were rings of thick muscles around each arm, visible when the shirt flexed over them with the sneeze, well formed pectorals peaked from the top of Erwin’s open shirt and a solid neck sat below that jawline sharper than any blade. Something sputtered within him as he realised something, if he wanted to, Erwin could overpower him easily at any moment, kill the man that wanted to kill him and yet he sat here sipping at cold tea and filling in paperwork in an oasis of bureaucratic domesticity. It was clear that Erwin trusted Levi.

Erwin placed his pen down and flexed his writing hand. The candle light caught the vibrant pink wound on his palm and his fingers and a huge pang of guilt settled in Levi’s gut.

Despite trying his absolute hardest Levi could no longer muster the energy to hate Erwin, perhaps the Titans had finally given him a little perspective on what the true enemy could look like.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou so much for reading!


	3. The Dog and the Cockroach

There’s a saying that goes, that when the world ends, cockroaches will be the only survivors. Levi’s pretty sure it’s bullshit, he’s killed many cockroaches in his time. Even though he hated to admit it, the satisfying crunch of a cockroach always sent a shiver up his spine as a kid, especially when he was malnourished and alone and one would scuttle it’s way into the singular room they lived in. They went so easily, no match for a vengeful little boy, trying to assert some kind of control over anything in his life.

But as it turned out, the end of the world would be no match for Levi. He realised this as he sunk his blades deep into the end of the world as it failed to crush him between yellowed teeth. So, he always had a problem with believing that cockroaches could survive anything when he himself had survived a world that had been ending for a hundred years, but there was definitely merit in the notion that even the most downtrodden creatures could _ survive _.

And as Levi finished cleaning the remains of tea from his cup, the door swung open, clattering against the stone walls of the kitchen. “Levi we _ need _ you,” Hange announced with intent and exasperation, Mike and Erwin at her flanks.

And with that Levi stood quickly, heart in his throat and ready to fight besides the three people stood in the comically small doorway. And for once, Levi wasn’t just surviving in the world. He was wanted, he was needed, he was _ living _.

“What’s the problem? Has there been a breach?” he placed the cup on the counter and pulled up the straps of his loosened gear with as much composure as his beating heart could allow.

“We are going out, and we need you to come with us-”

“Outside the walls? Have you approved this?” Levi hissed as he flung his jacket over his shoulders and looked towards Erwin who strangely remained quiet and let Hange deliver the orders.

Hange laughed in her shrill almost manic manner, “No we’re going_ out _”. She slapped her knees in apparent delight at Levi’s misconstrued intent, “We need you to come and celebrate with us!”

Suddenly the notion if he wanted to be needed by any of these morons left Levi quicker than it took Mike to break his composure at Levi’s misfortune.

“Thanks for making that really obvious,” Levi snarled sardonically as he collected the clean cup, “but I’m okay. I don’t feel like watching Moblit puke on himself again.” He crossed his arms, the teacup hanging precariously from the tip of his long finger. He held the cup out to Erwin who wordlessly took it from him and placed it atop the cupboard so none of the recruits could get to it.

Mike rolled his eyes, knowing that if it mysteriously broke, he would be the only one that would get the blame.

“That was one time and he’s not even coming!” Hange whined and stepped into the well lit kitchen, the remains of the winter day still filing the room.

Levi tutted and dipped his head, barely noticing Erwin settling besides him by the counter, ''But thanks for letting me know you’ll be gone, I’ll be sure to rob your rooms tonight while you’re out.”

Hange took another step, “You’re coming with us.” Her voice was strong and somewhat intimidating, under all that _ Hange _, there really was someone kind of terrifying.

“No I’m not.”

“Come on Levi, we’re celebrating,” Mike mumbled from the doorway.

Levi’s patience was really wearing thin, “Celebrating what?”

“It’s a secret, only the _ commander _ knows,” Hange looked at the small empty spot between Levi and Erwin and Levi closed it, just so she wouldn’t fill it.

“Well it’s a no then, clearly it’s not important if you can’t even tell me what it is,” he drawled as he smoothed out the kinks in his hastily applied gear, but then he gasped, eyes wide and holding his hand over his slightly agape mouth, “Mike?!” Mike ducked his head down to be able to see Levi properly, “Are, are you finally coming out as a Titan, you know it won’t change my opinion of you, I’ve always thought you were an ugly asshole.”

Erwin rolled his lips together to stifle an apparent laugh at his best friend’s expense.

Mike stepped forward, smoothly missing his head on the doorframe, years of living in a small framed unit had made the movement instinctual for him, but he still didn’t understand why they were built so small in the first place. It was like someone had the idea that if the door frames were small any titan invader would change their mind about charging the halls on a carnivorous rampage when met with an awkwardly small door. “I’d kill you in your sleep but you look like you’ve not slept in weeks.”

Hange threw her face into her hands, “My god, you two bicker like school girls.”

Levi pulled himself up onto the counter, legs crossed at the ankles. He leaned back onto his hands and retorted with a teasing, “He’s a big boy, he knows I don’t mean anything by it.” Which, on reflection came out a little flirtier than he anticipated, not that Levi had particularly thought about wanting to flirt with Mike, or men in general.

Mike laughed and seemed to appreciate whatever sentiment he got from the incident, Hange didn’t seem to care at all and Erwin just looked between them in firm silence, with clear questions going through his mind. Erwin didn’t ask anything, thank god. It seemed that he had a propensity to ask strange questions from time to time. He’d told Levi that asking strange questions caught people off guard and told him a multitude of truths more than the question required but in reality, Levi thought Erwin Smith was just a pretty strange guy himself.

“What’s the news then and I’ll decide if it’s worth my time.”

“Am I not worth your time anymore?” Oh how deliberate, the words fell from Erwin in a coded purr knowing that Levi, much to his own resentment had nothing but time for Erwin. Time and dedication and something resembling undying loyalty creeping into the mix too.

Erwin nudged his shoulder lightly and caught Levi’s gaze now they were both roughly at the same height.

A flicker of hesitation shone in Erwin’s eyes and he spoke in a calculated monotone, a far cry from the familiarity of his previous statement, like he’d forgotten that it the three of them were in the room like he was just processing the news himself,“I’m the new commander.”

Levi felt his own eyes widen as he stared at the young commander, who’s eyes once riddled with careful apprehension were filled with fondness, “Fuck off” Levi spat out and Erwin’s eyes creased into gentle amusment.

Erwin had always wanted this, Erwin had always deserved this but for a split second of selfishness Levi wondered if this meant losing him a little from his life. But he knew his loss would be humanity’s gain, ten fold.

“I bet that was the exact reaction you wanted Commander Erwin,” Mike jeered and Levi exhaled and broke contact with the blue eyes and focused on scowling at Mike as best he could across the room.

Levi held out his hand for Erwin to shake, “Oh shit, congratulations then.”

Erwin took his hand and shook it firmly, the large palm warm in Levi’s grip. Both men had seemed to forget about Levi’s no touching policy. Which was a seemingly fitting policy for a man with more walls that the ones they lived amongst, but Erwin had never been a man to want to live inside a wall anyway.

“Only us four know for now and I’d like to keep it that way,” Erwin tailed whilst shooting a glance in Hange’s direction, who lifted up her hands in pre-emptive guilt. He looked down and with Erwin’s hand still in his grip, he could still feel the ridges of the scar he’d left on the blonde and broke them apart immediately.

“I’ll think about it,” Levi sighed, the ‘_ just for you _’ was implied.

Hange jumped in pre-emptive glee but refrained from grabbing Levi and high-tailed after Mike who had already begun marching towards the pub.

Levi slid down from the counter and looked up at Erwin, “What makes me so special that I’m part of the gang?”

“That’s a silly question, Levi” Erwin responded his low voice, not wanting to give anything away, “Are you coming then?”

“Will Mike get drunk and make a fool of himself again?”

“Probably.”

“Okay, I’m in. Under the condition that we can shave off his goatee if he passes out,” Levi began to follow in others' footsteps.

Erwin made a noncommittal sound and responded, “I’m not officially commander for another two days so I think I’ll allow it.”

“Allow what?” Mike asked as the two of them exited the kitchen together, Erwin’s long strides had made short work of the head start Levi had given himself.

Levi leaned back into Erwin slightly, peering up at him mischievously and Erwin nodded.

He cleared his throat, “Allow me to have your room-”

“Erwin, man come on” Mike’s interruption came out as nothing more than a whine from a hard done by kid.

“God you really are as dumb as you look.”

Mike shot a look at Erwin, eyes wide and lips pursed.

Erwin held up his palms, “I’m not going to reprimand him.”

“I’d like to see you try,” Levi added, rather needlessly.

*

After a short and mostly silent walk through the cobbled streets they arrived at the tavern, _ The Victoria _ . It was a drinking establishment well frequented by the Survey Corps, the name meaning, _ the victory _, had always been taken with a pinch of salt.

As it was a few days after a mission the corps that wanted to had already drank themselves into a stupor the previous nights, fuelled by an amalgam of guilt and relief, so the pub was quite empty.

Levi did half expect Moblit and Nanba to be drinking in their corner but according to Hange on the way over, Moblit was trying to give up, which Levi thought was rather admirable, but also rather necessary considering how much he could put away and how often he did so.

Levi stood by the large table in the back whilst Hange settled herself on a pue, the smell of wood chippings and stale malt filled his nose. He watched Erwin and Mike head to the bar and watched Mike refuse Erwin’s money. A few sunken eyed patrons looked at the two uncharacteristically jovielle blondes and they both ceased. Suddenly the notion that they were here celebrating put an uneasy twist in his stomach, it seemed a pretty morbid time to be celebrating anything.

The two headed over, four large whiskeys between them. Mike thrust one into Levi’s hand and Erwin slid one across to Hange and the four of them quietly held up their drinks.

“To Erwin” Mike proposed before Erwin shook his head.

“To humanity and the truth,” Erwin offered in steadfast replacement, the amber liquid held dead still in the glass.

“To humanity and the truth”, the other three repeated and took a sip.

By the time the first drink was finished, Levi had settled down on the bench next to his new Commander, by the third, Hange was laughing and more paterons had arrived creating a solid buzz of noise that wasn’t so morbid and the knot in his stomach had slowly begun to slacken.

* * *

Mike swayed slightly as he returned with the fourth round, ale dripped onto the large paw like hands wrapped around the flagans. He set them on the table and licked the stray alcohol from his thick fingers, ending each finger with a dramatic pop before licking a clean stripe down the back of his sticky hand.

Levi felt his stomach churn at the sight. “He’s disgusting,” he mumbled to Hange who seemed to be paying little attention to Mike’s display that was seemingly causing Levi so much distress.

Mike slid the beers over to Hange and Levi, but was seemingly transfixed on Erwin as he did so. Levi had become fairly expert in reading Erwin’s facial expressions, it’s one of the things that made them work well together, providing that Erwin made any expression to be read in the first place. More often than not it appeared that Erwin was incapable of indicating emotion but Levi had learned otherwise. He knew of Erwin’s little tells, a delayed blink here, a breath held in his throat or a slight flare of his nostrils all meant, surprise, dread and anger respectively.

So when Mike placed the beer in Erwin’s hands, something knowing and almost ancient in his eyes as the smaller blonde took the drink, Levi wondered which of those it would be. He knew Erwin, but he couldn’t predict him or the way he’d react exactly. He certainly couldn’t predict the blush that rose in his cheeks as he rolled his eyes, an odd reaction to disgust if he had ever seen one.

Levi screwed up his nose at the whole situation, the pop of Mike’s finger’s exiting his mouth replayed in his head, as did Erwin’s unpredictable blush, he could feel his whole body go rigid and his face pull into a scowl. He noticed it happen but was too tipsy to care.

_ Why had he decided he didn’t hate Mike? _ He asked himself as he realised it was never too late to change his mind.

Perhaps Erwin could tell that the smaller man besides him had gone stiff or perhaps it was the way that Levi looked like a petulant child with nothing to do, taken to a tarven with his drunkard parents. Erwin placed a light touch to Levi’s knee and in his slightly inebriated state, Levi didn’t mind.

“Hey, are you okay?” Erwin asked softly, concern in his eyes.

“Just fine” Levi gritted out between locked back teeth.

Erwin recoiled slightly in confusion and turned away from Levi, clearly not interested in whatever petty bone Levi had to pick. All of Erwin’s gestures and emotions suddenly were more visible in his tipsy state. Levi couldn’t help but feel a little guilty, he shouldn’t have taken his disdain for Mike out on Erwin, especially because he looked, for once, like the youth and hopefulness hadn’t left him. Something warm practically glowed from him as he sipped at the amber liquid inside the mug, smiling loosely between sips at something Mike had said, golden hair falling down slightly onto his forehead.

“I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him go faster. If anything it made him more sluggish.” Mike held his hands in the air as he stuck the landing of the joke, Hange simply shook her head and rolled her eyes. Erwin burst out into laughter, because of course he did.

He couldn’t hate Mike if he made Erwin laugh like that, especially at such a terrible joke. When Erwin laughed, my god Levi loved it when Erwin laughed, Erwin was like pure fucking sunshine bottled at the source when he laughed. It made Levi’s heart swell enough that the scowl had melted from his face.

“It’s not that funny,” Levi poked, secretly not ever wanting to hear Erwin stop laughing.

Hange looked over at Erwin, who at this point looked to have tears in his eyes, “I hope nobody heard you laugh at that dumb joke, you’ve got a reputation to protect.”

“I know, I know” Erwin shook his head and calmed himself with deep breaths.

Mike leaned forward into Erwin’s face, the redness and giddiness quickly fading and whispered, “_ Spinch _.”

This lead Erwin to burst out into laughter again with one poorly stifled snort.

Levi looked around to see if anyone cared about what was so funny, luckily for Erwin nobody did because Hange was right, he had a reputation to uphold and it turned out Erwin had little self control when he’d had a drink. Levi wanted to protect the commander’s sweet little secret for the good of the Survey Corps but mostly he wanted to keep this Erwin a secret, a wide grinned, bleary eyed secret only the four of them had.

“What’s _ spinch _?”

“When Mike and I were cadets,” Erwin took a moment to breathe “We, we had to write out the menus for the graduation dinner for the year above and it turned out that _ somebody _ thought that creamed _ spinch _ was on the menu not creamed spinach,” Erwin broke out into a low rumble of giggles again as he and Mike made eye contact, “the - the whole graduating class saw it.”

By now Hange had joined in the group reminiscence session, “They called you ‘_ spinch _’ for the remainder of the year right?”

“I’m pretty sure you started that nickname Hange-”

“Probably.”

Mike groaned half heartedly and took a sip of his beer, “Nile still calls me Spinch y’know and I’m pretty sure his wife doesn’t even know my real name.”

Levi took a moment to process it all, “Why are you even friends? I told you dogs can't read, he’s clearly a moron.”

Mike made a _ tsk _ noise in the back of his throat, lunged forward with a shake of the table and tapped the crown of Erwin's head, “He likes someone to be able to check if he’s going bald,” and winked at him.

“We’ve been friends for a long time, since training camp, he’s like a big stray dog that I can’t seem to shake-”

“Rude,” Mike scoffed in feigned offence. Levi thought that Mike was incapable at getting actually offended by anything.

Hange made a low snort in the back of her throat and Levi whipped his head around to face her and the wide-eyed look on her face, “I think '_ friends’ _ is a bit of a stretch, don't you?”

Erwin and Mike exchanged glances and Mike took a large gulp from his beer.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Levi asked as he swirled his drink around in the mug, more intruged about their relationship than he wanted to be, “Did you fuck each other up at some point?”

Erwin had simply gone quiet whilst Mike squirted beer from his nose. As Mike coughed repeatedly, a tall waitress rushed over to the table and dabbed her rag on the spilt beer.

“Thanks-” Mike took a double take as he took in the waitress, a beautiful woman with dark tight curls framing her face, “Mike Zacharias, Survey Corps strongest soldier,” he added with a grin he thought went a fair way to being charming.

“No,” she responded bluntly and gave the rag to Mike to clean himself up. Mike seemed dejected but Levi didn’t miss the coy look the woman’s face a wry smile pulled across her full lips.

“So,” Hange announced and Levi was suddenly brought back to the conversation at hand. She held her composure and looked Levi in the eyes with a strange intensity that only Hange could muster at a time like this, “Levi, now this is for science, what made you choose those _ exact _ words?”

“Uh,” Levi postulated as a silence hung between the group.

Mike glanced over at Erwin who simply sighed and kept his voice low, “Okay, I guess you could say we were _ more than friends _ at some point.”

Before Levi could react Hange had a finger in the air and determination on her face,“Points, I walked in on you two at multiple points.” Levi could feel his eyes widen as if a titan had stopped him, shook his hand and asked him how his day was going. “It sure was a sight, if you’re into that.” Hange elbowed into Levi who at this point didn’t know where to look, Erwin was sat back, his face partially shaded and Mike was grinning like he’d just made a killing in poker.

Levi wasn’t the kind of man to be taken by surprise, it was one of the things that made him such a good thief and an even better soldier. But this entire situation was going to make his prime asset defunct any time now.

“Huge beautiful ripped blonde men, in their prime?” Mike said as he reclined back in the chair, whilst gesturing between him and Erwin.

Hange fake shuddered and stuck out her bottom lip, “Disgusting.”

“Oh come on I’m sure you wouldn’t be the first girl to have used me, or him as spank bank mat-”

“Mike, _ stop _” Erwin interjected and leaned into the light, his face was stern and cold, this was battlefield Erwin commanding his comrades. However there was a blush on his cheeks that seemed to negate his authority which Mike looked entirely intent on exploiting

“I didn’t think you were capable of getting flustered _ commander, _” Mike downright purred to to the younger man, leaning forward into Hange’s space. She snatched away her drink and pushed Mike’s giant body with probably too much force than strictly required.

They did make a handsome couple, Levi thought, both strong and admirable men with thick bodies and long limbs. He didn’t want to think about them in that way but it was impossible to ignore when he was practically half hard under the table. There was something in particular about the way Erwin sat beside him, square jaw clenched, eye contact between the blondes holding steadfast, completely undeterred by Mike’s drunken advances but with a blush and a look in his eyes telling those who were playing that the game was on. Levi almost choked on the air in his throat when Erwin spread his legs slightly resulting in a knee knocking against his own and then staying there, setting alight the skin underneath Levi's uniform pants. It was down right erotic, if you’re into that kind of thing.

“Are you two quite done flirting?” Hange groaned and kicked Mike’s long leg which had made its way closer to Erwin, breaking the tension between them all. “Everytime we drink, it’s a nightmare. Levi, swap places with me.”

“No,” Levi found himself reclining back into the bench, suddenly realising he’d leaned forward into the table

It made sense now, that he and Mike were together. They clearly trusted one another and knew one another inside out and Suddenly the whole finger ordeal from earlier made a lot more sense too. The army and the whole society operated on a ‘it’s nobody’s business’ rule about this sort of thing. So long as you behaved well inside the walls you could do what you wanted. There was a time where same sex relations were prohibited but was quickly repealed when it made no sense to put up devides in a society that only worked if it’s inhabitants worked together.

“How long have you been dating?”

Erwin shook his head, “We are not together,” his voice was low, even for the man whose usual baritone was enough to set of earthquake tremors.

Levi found his mouth making an involuntary ‘O’ shape before he could stop it. Placing an elbow on the table and delicatly resting his chin on his knuckle he looked around the room before asking, “So you uh, like men then Erwin,” realising that same sex frantinzation wasn’t illegal, it wasn’t exactly encouraged, especially in a man of Erwin’s social position.

He nodded confidently and added, “And women.”

Mike placed his empty mug on the table with a click and looked over the group, “I just like women these days but I am willing to make an exception”

Levi could feel the choke of laughter in his throat form and pointed at Erwin with his thumb, “That better be directed at him and not me.”

Mike cocked an eyebrow and leaned back over the table, much to Hange’s delight it was away from Erwin and in turn her personal space around the cramped table, "Don't flatter yourself short stack-"

"You won't be so tall when I cut your legs off at your knees" Levi spat back almost instantly, his head still poised delicately on his hand.

"Still taller than you-"

Levi leaned into the table, taking Mike’s bait,"I have no problem with chopping your dick off either" He changed his positioning to look at Erwin and hissed, "Is that okay with you? You don’t require that in the future?"

Levi was suddenly and inexplicably angry, almost hateful towards Mike in this moment. Sure the oaf irritated him at times but this was really testing a boundary he didn’t know he had. Perhaps he was jealous of the fact that Mike still had Erwin and vice versa. They hadn’t lost the person they’d grown with and grown into and Levi had nothing. He'd lost everyone who’d help shape him into the man he is today.

Erwin made a noise that was almost incredulous, "We're not sleeping at the moment."

"That's not a no on the” Levi made a chopping motion with his hand but his face was blank asides the twitching at the corner of his mouth.

Mike looked somewhat concerned by now. Levi looked very serious as Mike had begun to suddenly realise that their playful poking had morphed in the raven haired man into something much more serious, "Erwin-"

Erwin held up his palm, ever the politician, "Levi, Mike _ please _"

Mike rescinded but Levi’s unpredicted anger for this held steadfast, he crossed his legs and turned his body towards Erwin. Levi’d forgotten how nasty he could be when he drank, the alcohol mixed with his sheer inability to sleep without nightmares or sometimes even sleep at all made him an awful person to be around.

"Is that what you sounded like?" Levi kicked out his foot, catching Erwin lightly enough just to get his full attention. "Mike _ please- _ " he moaned, “ _ please fuck _-”

“That’s enough Levi,” Erwin said this in a way that sent deep shockwaves through Levi’s entire body, with his jaw set firm and his eyes dark and glistening with focus and intent. Levi focused on the rise and fall of Erwin’s chest for a moment before locking eyes again. He could feel himself mirror the blonde’s locked jaw and fixated eyes and realising they probably both looked like wild animals, two alphas setting in for the kill.

Erwin opened his mouth to speak, the words came out slowly, “What’s wrong with you tonight?”

Levi felt his breath hitch and his entire body vibrate with the ferocious energy that hung between them, “Nothing.”

“Tsk!” Erwin finally broke eye contact, "I think the lesson here is that I have no preference between men and women."

Both Hange and Mike took a conjoined sigh of relief, worried that they may have to clean up a blood bath, with Levi’s body over Hange’s shoulder and Erwin’s over Mike’s and a corps wide ban from _ The Victoria _.

“And you look like that,” Hange gestured to all of Erwin, who was still quietly breathing deeply, “And YET you’re still single!”

Mike laughed and waved down at the table probably far too enthusiastically as the relief and adrenaline pulsed through him, “No no, you know what it is, everyone is too short for Erwin here, you’ve gotta be at least a 6 metre class!”

“It’s a good job i’m not interested then,” Levi knocked back the last of his drink and stood up, the alcohol suddenly rushing to his head, “I’m done here.”

Erwin looked uncharacteristically taken a back and for a fleeting unguarded moment and Levi thought he was going to ask him to stay. He wanted him to ask him to stay. He didn’t know why he’d suddenly acted the way he did. He didn’t act that way when he found out that Nanba and Hange had a tryst or when he found out about Nanba and Mike or Mike and whoever his most recent conquest was. But tonight he was somehow bothered to his core. He was angry that the man he was somehow closest with had withheld something so vital, a piece of him that Levi couldn’t consume.

He didn’t want to apologise so instead just pretended that Erwin was just the man who goaded Levi when his best friends had been torn apart in front of him, which he was, but he was _ so much fucking more _now.

As Levi straightened his cravat a cold lick of air brushed the short hairs on the nape of his neck and he shivered. So, he grabbed the black jacket that had been situated between him and Erwin all night and threw it over his shoulders.

“It’s cold, I’m taking this.”

Erwin didn’t object or say that he’d be cold without his jacket but Levi still added on, “I’m sure Mike will give you his jacket if you want it,” for no apparent reason at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what emotion Levi was feeling HMMM

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you enjoyed reading, this has been such a fun world to write and the new chapter will be coming along shortly.
> 
> If you want to talk i'm always up for it at www.instagram.com/itscaptaindumbass


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